...::* Disaster *::...

Beginning of the month had turned into a disaster for me.
Everything turned to be worries and dissatifactions.
A bad sign had shown to me.
Nothing go smoothly as I wished for.
Not at all.

I blamed myself.
I blamed. I blamed for everything.
I'm such a FAILURE.

I had failed to help you guys, Ken & June.
I had failed to look for both the lecturers.
I had failed to be a better secretary of yours.
I had failed my economics.
I had failed to control my emotions.
I had failed. Totally failure.

The war that had not faced before had made my emotional imbalance.
You'll see me LOL now, and I'll COL in minutes.
Showing the sad me is the worst thing in my life.
As everyone knows I will always be smiling and laughing.

I have been crying TOO FREQUENT.
I'm not independent enough.
Even I had went into National Service.
No matter what and how am I,
I need a some one.
The one that I wish to share my problems.
The one who willing to be my good listener.
Maybe I'm too depending on people, that's why I always into a relationship.
I will not be independent?
This my life?
Dependent life?

Can September end fast and soon?
Can it? Is very struggling.
I'm suffering right now.
Is pain and the sore doesn't leave.
Is really a very hard and tough route.
I failed to control my emotions.
Crazy numb me as I can no more use sleep to numb.
I have no time for sleeps. Not at all.
I have to hold, hide and stand on my own feet.

I sat alone and tears just rolled out automatically with sore in my heart.
I held so hard not to scares off public.
UCSI University have no better place for loneliness.
Everywhere were humans and disturbance.
There isn't a place for me and I can't do so.
It might shock my elder sister.
What I can do is just hold on.

I'm not totally cure.
Not because my problems not solved.
Is because I had not cried all out.
I have no place, no time, no ways to cry.
I need a hug. I need a hug desperately.
I'll hug you tight and cry out loud. (if I would really do so)